It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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