I think I just saw someone hide a body.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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