Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
