you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
