The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
