from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
