two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize