I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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