We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize