um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
