Kiss
Puke
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
