My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
