Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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