But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
