FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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