I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am one with the molecules
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize