She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
