I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
