Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize