Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
