I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
