He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's just like the Real World with babies
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
