I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
