By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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