i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
