I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
