I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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