omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
