I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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