Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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