I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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