she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Mom said you looked used
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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