Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
