dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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