Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
