I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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