My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
