think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
