Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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