Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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