Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
