When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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