It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
