when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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