Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
