She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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