why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize