she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
