She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
