New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
