you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
