Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
