For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
