Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
