Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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