It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
