Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got inside last night via doggy door
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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