ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
