I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
