we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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