One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
