Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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