I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
