i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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