i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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