is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
