I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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