Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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