hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize