After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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