one word: firstdatebathroomanal
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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