I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
