Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
