drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
