i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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