O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
