I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
