just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
