i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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