I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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