oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
