Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
