I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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