i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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