hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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