worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
