need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
