some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
