Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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