Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
