my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize