when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
