if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
