he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
