did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
