Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
