she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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