He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize