bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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