Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
