meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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