Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis

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(425): View more from Washington

im bored tell me something entertaining

(206): View more from Washington

You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

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(555): View more from

She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.

(555): View more from

Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.

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(509): View more from Washington

We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.

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(+33): View more from France

Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.

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(512): View more from Texas

How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.

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