If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
