i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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