The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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