He asked to "fluff my boner.."
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We are two peas in an std pod
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I touched a dick in church today
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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