please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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