Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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