Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Even my vagina gasped.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize