he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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