I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
