If i come over, it means nothing
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
