Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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