question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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