I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize