so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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