I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The power of my boobs compel you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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