On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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